Tangy Orange of the Dark Side: Special Edition
by Agent S7
Summary: A strange, badly written story with one moral: DO NOT EAT EVIL ORANGES. Now extended with more crap and another chapter! :P
1. The Madness Begins

(This is the equally sucky Special Edition! Before you yawn after reading this chapter, read the next one. That is all I must say. Thank you very much, S7)

Tangy Orange of the Dark Side

Secret7

Anakin was on the planet Bob when it happened. His mission there was to investigate a series of murders, all with people beating others to death with citrus fruits. It was a dangerous mission, the Jedi Council agreed, so they sent some guy named Joe with him.

Anakin was walking through the city streets, glancing at various products in a vacant hope to find something to cure him of his foot fungus when he saw a nice, shiny lookin' orange. It was for sale as a "Tangy Orange of the Dark Side", but he didn't believe it. Because, come ON! How could an _orange_ be evil? Huh? HUH?

Ummm…yeah.

So he bartered to sell his spleen for the orange, and he got it. The moment he began to peel the orange, it called out to him…

"Eaaaaaattttt meeeeee….Eeeeeeaaaaaatttttt meeeeeeee!"

"Shut up and let me eat you!"

"OK."

So Anakin ate a slice of the orange, to save some of it for later. Suddenly he felt evil. Oh so evil. He walked down the street and ate an old lady.

"I AM THE LORD OF THE NINJA! W00T!" he screamed.

Joe walked up from behind him. "Hey, Anakin."

"Wassup?" he said, sticking out his radioactive tongue. He proceeded to rip out Joe's still-beating heart.

"Why are you ripping out my still-beating—GAK" Those were the last wretched words he'd ever speak. Then Anakin saw some Rodian kid walk up to him.

"Man, you look like ass!" Anakin shouted. "And you're green! I DON'T LIKE GREEN!"

The Rodian kid (who's name was Greedo) pulled out a Flesh-Disruptor rifle. "Okagjo swedfljsfd mcowjhr." (Say that again and I'll sever your very soul and feed it to my pet arachnid!)

Then, since this chapter was getting downright stupid, he ended the story.

TO BE CONTINUED…

OR IS IT?

OH, WHO THE HELL CARES. I'M GOING HOME NOW.

BYE. HEY, CAN SOMEBODY GET ME A SANDWICH?

DAMN. I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT SANDWICH…

Proceed to Review, or suffer a fate worse than death. If you do review, you get a cookie. :D


	2. Episode II: Attack of the Horniness

Tangy Orange of the Dark Side

Episode II: Attack of Horniness

Secret7

One Fine Day on the Planet Coruscant…

Anakin was now held before the Jedi council. The short, green guy spoke.

"Accused of murder, you have been," he said.

"Yes, Master Yoda."

"Bad, this is."

"…um…Yes, Master Yoda."

"Homicide, you have been charged with."

"Yeah. I kind got that already."

"Killing, you have been said to have don-"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT UP! THIS GUY IS _NOT_ WISE! HE'S VERBALLY DYSLEXIC!" Anakin shouted. "I want a puppy!" he added, hoping that Obi-Wan was listening.

"Angry, you are. Show us your side of the story, you will."

"Okey Dokey. I ate this orange. It is tainted with the Dark Side, yet strangely delicious. Here, take a piece."

Master Yoda picked up the slice and gobbled it down. His eyes dilated. He smiled. "Horny, I am."

"Master Yoda!" Obi-Wan shouted. "Are you well?"

"A woman I wish too sire. AKA, Horny I am."

"Master Yoda! Horniness is of the Dark Side!" Anakin shouted.

"Hypocrite," Padme muttered.

"Ooooh!" Yoda said, looking at the suddenly arriving senator. "Go to my place, do you want?"

"Well…" said Padme, thinking about it. "You seem to have more morals than Ani. OK."

Then Yoda and Padme began to make out.

"WHAT?" Anakin screamed. "Get your short, green hands off of her!" He pulled out a kind-of-cool lightsaber. "I'll kick your ass!"

"No. Kick _your_ ass, I will," Yoda responded. He pulled out his saber handle. "Think that is a saber, you do? Saber _this _is!"

In a brilliant flash of light, an enormous beam of energy shot out of the Jedi Temple, flew out of the city, and shot into space. It flew through the galaxy, blowing up the Falcon, and eventually hitting Alderaan."

"Ah, shit. Oh well. Blow up, it was going to anyway," Yoda shrugged. "Episode IV that is."

Anakin had one last thing that could possibly cure Yoda of his horniness. He reached into his pocket, pulling out an old bit of pornography he had gotten years ago on Tattooine. He unraveled it, showing it to all of the Jedi Council.

"OH MY GOD! JABBA THE HUTT, THAT IS! NASTY THAT IS!"

Yoda ran into the bathroom to pay tribute to the Porcelain Goddess.

As he was barfing, Anakin smiled in triumph. He had saved the Jedi Council from the Tangy Orange of the Dark Side.

"Hey…" Obi-Wan said. "Where'd you get that picture anyway?"

"Internet."

"Then why are you keeping it with you?"

That he couldn't answer.

The End


End file.
